So basically this post is a result of a conversation I had over FaceTime with my good friend Magdalene Jones, (the very soon to be published author of The Scarlet Archer!!!!) I said something hilarious, (a re-occurring event,) and she was like “Heyyyyy! That’s an awesome quote!”
This, of course, led to a very long list of teen author relates written by said Magdalene and yours truly. (Because doesn’t that happen every time you FaceTime a friend?? *wink wink!*)
So, without further ado:
The Pros and Cons of Being A Teen Author. A List of Hilarious Things.
~Has the ability to threaten siblings/friends with character extermination
~CRUSHES dat evil laugh
~Has a nice brain
~Develops multiple strategies for world domination
~Can create people without the pain of childbirth
~Has many fictional friends/supervillains/dramatic dying people/entertainment (although entertainment is a non-count noun and requires a different… word? I’m on Christmas break people.)
~Is never/always bored, depending on the exact degree to which said teen author procrastinates
~Is ever-popular with the adults because of the obvious increase in maturity (or so they all think)
~Never lets people in while writing—enjoys reputation as a sane person
~Has an AWESOME TOTALLY INCREDIBLE BREATHTAKING scene idea–can’t find a pen/notebook because homework is a proven theif
~ “And this is what I would ask my editor… if I had one.”
~Wants to write 10k words a day–unable to bc school.
~Can envision the beta readers’ praises falling from the sky–doesn’t. want. to. edit.
~Becomes one with auto correct/spell check/grammar book: is a geeky nuisance to all of the normal children
~Fills up a calendar with writing sessions–cancels them, one by one, bc reasons.
~Adopts character’s personality–accidentally insults friends because their character would.
~Bursts out laughing in the middle of math class—bc a one-track-mind and imagination are mutually exclusive
~Constantly compares friends to characters who die in misery
~Writes a hilarious character for three days straight—sees inside jokes in everything for the next month
~Writes a death scene—yells at siblings to go away and let you mourn undisturbed OR ELSE
~Records whole conversations for later use—no we’re not spies… no we’re DEFINITELY not planning world domination…
~Writes a character who can raise one eyebrow—tries for hours and fails
~Edits and edits and edits and edits and edits and… yeah. Then picks up Suzanne Collins or Rick Riordan or Veronica Roth and criticizes their sentence structure and adjective use.
~Kills a character—cries in public. Cries because it hurts so much.
There you go. Now you know what really goes on in an author’s brain. We promise we are (mostly) sane.
How many of these can you guys relate to?
Are there more that we haven’t listed? Comment below so we can laugh with you. The more the merrier. (Unless being attacked by talking, red-eyed snakes in favor of eating you, in which case you should run for cover! Fie on thee, enemies of great mass and number!)
Dang it. The fantasy writer side of me doesn’t like to be confined.
Happy Belated Christmas!
Don’t give up!
(Oh, and Maggie. Maggie’s here too.)
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