English Homework- Thoughts?

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  • #7532
    immortalis
    immortalis
    Participant

    I was wondering if any of you had any thoughts on this draft of my English homework. The objective was to describe a hero (bonus points if it was a less than the ‘stereotypical hero’). I had to create a character and write a description, detailing reasons why they were a hero (including slight physical description, background and sadly, little to no plot.)

    Thanks in advance!
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”dgr4p-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”dgr4p-0-0″><span class=”hardreadability”><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-0-0″>She found herself in the depths of despair, surrounded by scientists with notions of greatness in their heads</span></span><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-1-0″>. They tore her apart, throwing her back together without sparing a glance. They saw her profit, her worth as a soldier, a bodyguard for the wealthy. Never once thinking that she could have disagreed with their visions of a utopian future. They gave her powers, unwanted ones at that. She </span><span class=”passivevoice”><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-2-0″>was trapped</span></span><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-3-0″> in a new world with no way to find the family she missed </span><span class=”adverb”><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-4-0″>dearly</span></span><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-5-0″>.</span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”4gqhj-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”4gqhj-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”4gqhj-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”3ifq7-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”3ifq7-0-0″><span class=”hardreadability”><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-0-0″>Quinn Carter Sommers, the demon girl- spat out in a world she didn’t belong to, not an ounce of the tame girl that she had once </span></span><span class=”passivevoice”><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-1-0″>been remained</span></span><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-2-0″>. So strange it was to see what she had become. A self-proclaimed monster with powers that she feared she would never be able to control. A monster, of teleportation and possession. A monster who feared herself </span><span class=”qualifier”><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-3-0″>just</span></span><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-4-0″> as much hated herself. </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”ft9dm-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”ft9dm-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”ft9dm-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”7ljhm-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”7ljhm-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-0-0″>Despite all that hatred, all that power she was </span><span class=”qualifier”><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-1-0″>just</span></span><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-2-0″> a black-haired girl searching for a way home. A way to escape from the cruel hands of those notions of greatness, built on the blood of children. To free those suffering the same fate, and to prevent her fate </span><span class=”passivevoice”><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-3-0″>being imposed</span></span><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-4-0″> upon others. Not so much the monster she presents herself to be.</span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”2n2b0-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”2n2b0-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”2n2b0-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”4majf-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”4majf-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”4majf-0-0″>She did not do this without fear, but with the courage to live with her weaknesses. To live with her fear, in the hopes that they would become her greatest strengths. And so they did, her weaknesses became strengths of unimaginable power. Blazing behind her eyeliner smudged green eyes. </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”elpdt-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”elpdt-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”elpdt-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”7tq20-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”7tq20-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”7tq20-0-0″>She was a hero with the powers of a villain. Her heart a complicated balance of selflessness and self-interest. </span><span class=”hardreadability”><span data-offset-key=”7tq20-1-0″>She made mistakes, yes, but faced the consequences and strove to better herself for the good of everyone</span></span><span data-offset-key=”7tq20-2-0″>. </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”4n9l0-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”4n9l0-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”4n9l0-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”auig6-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”auig6-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”auig6-0-0″>She sought the safety of those around her, and of their release. She sought her family, to embrace them once more. She strove towards both, strength in her stride. And she achieved liberation, for all those torn apart in the chasing of fanciful notions.</span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”16ne1-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”16ne1-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”16ne1-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”7a0ra-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”7a0ra-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”7a0ra-0-0″>“She became a hero, not without her faults, but with the power to better herself after the fall.”</span></div>
    </div>

  • #7534
    immortalis
    immortalis
    Participant

    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”dgr4p-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”dgr4p-0-0″><span class=”hardreadability”><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-0-0″>She found herself in the depths of despair, surrounded by scientists with notions of greatness in their heads</span></span><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-1-0″>. They tore her apart, throwing her back together without sparing a glance. They saw her profit, her worth as a soldier, a bodyguard for the wealthy. Never once thinking that she could have disagreed with their visions of a utopian future. They gave her powers, unwanted ones at that. She </span><span class=”passivevoice”><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-2-0″>was trapped</span></span><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-3-0″> in a new world with no way to find the family she missed </span><span class=”adverb”><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-4-0″>dearly</span></span><span data-offset-key=”dgr4p-5-0″>.</span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”4gqhj-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”4gqhj-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”4gqhj-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”3ifq7-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”3ifq7-0-0″><span class=”hardreadability”><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-0-0″>Quinn Carter Sommers, the demon girl- spat out in a world she didn’t belong to, not an ounce of the tame girl that she had once </span></span><span class=”passivevoice”><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-1-0″>been remained</span></span><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-2-0″>. So strange it was to see what she had become. A self-proclaimed monster with powers that she feared she would never be able to control. A monster, of teleportation and possession. A monster who feared herself </span><span class=”qualifier”><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-3-0″>just</span></span><span data-offset-key=”3ifq7-4-0″> as much hated herself. </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”ft9dm-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”ft9dm-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”ft9dm-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”7ljhm-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”7ljhm-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-0-0″>Despite all that hatred, all that power she was </span><span class=”qualifier”><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-1-0″>just</span></span><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-2-0″> a black-haired girl searching for a way home. A way to escape from the cruel hands of those notions of greatness, built on the blood of children. To free those suffering the same fate, and to prevent her fate </span><span class=”passivevoice”><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-3-0″>being imposed</span></span><span data-offset-key=”7ljhm-4-0″> upon others. Not so much the monster she presents herself to be.</span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”2n2b0-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”2n2b0-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”2n2b0-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”4majf-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”4majf-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”4majf-0-0″>She did not do this without fear, but with the courage to live with her weaknesses. To live with her fear, in the hopes that they would become her greatest strengths. And so they did, her weaknesses became strengths of unimaginable power. Blazing behind her eyeliner smudged green eyes. </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”elpdt-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”elpdt-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”elpdt-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”7tq20-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”7tq20-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”7tq20-0-0″>She was a hero with the powers of a villain. Her heart a complicated balance of selflessness and self-interest. </span><span class=”hardreadability”><span data-offset-key=”7tq20-1-0″>She made mistakes, yes, but faced the consequences and strove to better herself for the good of everyone</span></span><span data-offset-key=”7tq20-2-0″>. </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”4n9l0-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”4n9l0-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”4n9l0-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”auig6-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”auig6-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”auig6-0-0″>She sought the safety of those around her, and of their release. She sought her family, to embrace them once more. She strove towards both, strength in her stride. And she achieved liberation, for all those torn apart in the chasing of fanciful notions.</span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”16ne1-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”16ne1-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”16ne1-0-0″> </span></div>
    </div>
    <div class=”” data-block=”true” data-editor=”8j2ka” data-offset-key=”7a0ra-0-0″>
    <div class=”public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr” data-offset-key=”7a0ra-0-0″><span data-offset-key=”7a0ra-0-0″>“She became a hero, not without her faults, but with the power to better herself after the fall.”</span></div>
    </div>

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