I don't know where to go from here, any ideas?

Home Page Forums Critique Central I don't know where to go from here, any ideas?

  • Author
    Posts
  • #6979
    GypsyTurtle
    GypsyTurtle
    Participant

    Lorna sat on her grandmother’s front porch, reveling in the cool breeze blowing past. It was so hot out, the cooler air was a relief. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the moment, remembering sitting here as a little girl with her grandmother, sharing a piece of apple pie with her as they watched the sun set.
    “Isn’t it so pretty, Lorrie?” the aged woman would ask in a wistful tone. “I remember when I was a little girl like you, and after a long day of working out in the garden, I could come out here with a book and read until the sun got so low I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face.”
    Lorna smiled at the memory. Her grandmother had always been a gentle, kind soul, and still was to this day. Sure, she had forced Lorna into the fields with her to pick endless rows of beans and peas, but it had taught Lorna that it was key to do well in school so she wouldn’t have to delve into manual labor again.
    The front door opened behind her. “Lorrie, be a dear and help your grandmother with dinner, hmm?” said a matronly voice in the doorway. Lorna turned around to see the small figure of her grandmother standing there, bright blue eyes staring down at her.
    “Yes grandmother.” Lorna said, getting up and brushing off the back of her worn jeans. Her grandmother nodded in approval, and shuffled back into the house, leaning heavily on her cane.
    Lorna looked at her grandmother, noticing the lack of change between how she looked when Lorna was little and how she looked now. Her back was a little more bent, sure, and her gray hair was turning a little whiter. But the older woman still wore the same flowery dress and white shawl, and still managed to look down at her, even though Lorna had grown to a decent height of five and a half feet, and her grandmother was only about four feet ten inches. Her cherry-wood cane still supported her arthritic joints, and she still was as loving as ever.
    Grandmother guided her into the kitchen, and with a pleased sigh sank down in one of the chairs at the island. Lorna went around the other side, and glanced down at the recipe her grandmother had set out.
    “Chicken Pot Pie? What’s the occasion?” she asked, eyeing the older woman suspiciously. Grandmother looked innocently back at her.
    “No reason, Lorrie.” she said, voice hitching on the lie. Lorna sighed, bending down to get the flour out from its storage place in the island.
    “You’re a horrible liar, Grandmama.” she said, pulling out the heavy bag and setting it on the butcher-block counter top. A little poof of flour escaped the bag, settling in a thin layer around the bottom of it.
    “Lorna,” began her grandmother, leaning slightly forward, “I really can’t tell you.”
    “But why not? I’m going to find out anyways.”
    “Yes you are. When he gets here.”
    Lorna raised her eyebrows. “So it’s a he?” she asked, making her grandmother let out a giant sigh. Lorna grinned, turning around to get a bowl out of the cupboard. “When did you two meet?”
    “If you think I’m dating, you’re horribly wrong. It’s just an old friend from back when I was your age.” she said crossly. Lorna smiled, grabbing a bowl off the bottom shelf and turning to face her grandmother.
    “Ah, so you’re just catching up after all these years?” she asked. Grandmother huffed indignantly.
    “It hasn’t been that long. Heavens, you make it sound like I’m 82.”
    “Sorry Grandmama. I didn’t mean it that way.” Lorna set down the metal mixing bowl, and began measuring the flour. “What’s his name?”
    “Christopher.” her grandmother said flatly, frowning. Lorna shot her a puzzled look.
    “You don’t sound very happy about all this.” she commented, dumping the flour into the mixing bowl with a little poof. “Why are you two meeting up if you don’t want to see him?”
    Grandmama stilled, eyes widening a hair. Lorna had never seen her grandmother scared before in her life, and seeing her like this now filled her with a sense of dread.
    As briefly as that expression was there, it was gone. “He had been cleaning his basement when he found his old yearbook. A note from me was in there, and he wondered how I was doing. So he looked me up.”
    “But you have a different last name now.” Lorna pointed out, brow furrowing as she set down the measuring cup. “Grandmama, what’s going on?”
    Her grandmother looked at her innocently. “Nothing at all sweetie.” she said, pulling the recipe card towards her. “Oh, I forgot to ask, how are things going at school?”
    Lorna gave her grandmother a stern look. “I’m still getting straight A’s, if that’s what you mean. Who is Christopher, and why is he coming here?”
    Grandmama played with the corner of the recipe card. “Have you met any nice boys Lorna?” she asked. Lorna narrowed her eyes at the woman.
    “Grandmama-”
    “Well have you?”
    Lorna sighed, brushing an annoying brown curl out of her face. “You know that I’m not planning on dating or anything like that for a while. Most high school relationships never make it through college.” she quoted, putting her hands on her hips. “Tell me why Christopher is coming.”
    Grandmama sighed, setting down the recipe card and drawing absentmindedly in the flour. Lorna waited patiently for the answer, pausing from her work. She knew that would bother the older woman, who always wanted stuff done on time, and that Grandmother would give in and spill the beans.
    Lorna had to admit it was a cheap trick, but it worked. Grandmama looked up at Lorna with pain in her eyes, as if it hurt her to even think about saying anything.
    “Christopher and I were best friends throughout high school, and occasionally more than friends.” Grandmama smiled for an instant, then her face grew morose again. “Then he-”
    Suddenly, the phone rang.

    -Any ideas for ways to continue this?-

  • #6981
    pookajordan
    pookajordan
    Participant

    And? And?

    I WANT MORE!!!

    Is Christopher a serial killer? Is he on the run from the FBI? Is there a secret world of…somethings that he works to keep safe? Does Grandma know about all this but she doesn’t like it, but for the sake of old friendship she will shelter him from aforementioned FBI for one night? Does he suck Lorna into all this stuff? PLEASE WRITE MORE!

    Your dialogue is lovely, and your descriptions are distinctly vivid.

    Toodles!

  • #6982
    GypsyTurtle
    GypsyTurtle
    Participant

    Thanks! I’m not 100% sure how to continue the story, but I have a couple ideas. I was thinking that maybe Christopher is in a league of killers, and he had dragged Lorna’s Grandmother into it. Either that or he’s an evil magician of sorts, who summons creatures from the deep to attack whoever the highest bidder wants, and Lorna’s Grandma is being blackmailed into hiding him using the leverage of her history of working with him. Which one do you think would work better?

  • #6984
    pookajordan
    pookajordan
    Participant

    Who is she hiding him from? FBI? The league of good magicians? I personally like the evil magician idea better than the league of killers idea, although that one has a lot of potential, as in research could be a lot of fun. Is it a mystery? Could you be the next Agatha Christie?

    The idea of Grandma having history with this evil magician is fantastic! Could Christopher really be Lorna’s-wait for it- Grandfather? Ooh. Or some other relation? Mmm.

    I can’t wait to see which direction you go with this. I hope your inspiration takes hold and I hope you figure out all of your characters problems. Toodles!

     

    • #6985
      GypsyTurtle
      GypsyTurtle
      Participant

      Ooh, I really like the idea of having Christopher be a relative, I’ll see where I can go with that. Thanks for the feedback!

  • #6989
    MelTorrefranca
    MelTorrefranca
    Keymaster

    Ooooh this seems really interesting! I really like Lorna’s grandmother. She’s a really cool character from the start!

    Like @pookajordan said…the magician thing sounds really cool! This is a pretty interesting beginning and I think it’ll be good in whatever direction you decide to take it in!

     

     

    • #6992
      GypsyTurtle
      GypsyTurtle
      Participant

      Thank you! I finished off Chapter 1 and am working on building up Chris’s character in Chapter 2. It’s really fun to write him in as an evil magician. Anyways, thanks for the feedback!

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Who’s Online?

No one is online right now

What is Critique Central?

Critique Central is a forum where you can submit a piece of your work to get advice on. Fill out the form to see what others think of your writing!

Yes No