The Eldest Daughter's Cautionary Tale of Woe

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  • #7798

    To my general excitement, Mother asked me to put the rising bread dough into the bread pans for its second rise. I was instructed to punch it down, divide it into the two pans, cover it with plastic wrap, and then walk away well satisfied with a job well done.

    But it was not to be so.

    I approached the fateful bowl and removed the plastic wrap covering it.

    I prodded the dough.

    It was unresponsive.

    I poked at the dough.

    It clung to my finger the way a drowning fish clings to sanity.

    Raising my fist, I plunged it into the dough.

    That was a mistake.

    The dough immediately grabbed my fist, refusing to let it go, holding on with an iron grip.

    Fortunately my sister, the Youngest Daughter, was standing by. She hurried to my side and helped me pull my hand out of the hungry dough, and when it came out the dough frowned and thought to itself “darn!’

    But it still had a plan. It left tiny dough babies all over my skin! I ran to the sink, scrubbing at my hand.

    The dough babies had latched on in between my fingers with extreme force. It took hot water to melt them down and the Ultimate Kitchenary Weapon, Paper Towels, to finally get them off.

    I returned to the bowl and stared grimly down at the dough. It sensed my presence and gurgled up at me the way a kitten looks at you before ripping the skin off your forearms.

    I was determined to do this by myself.

    I reached into the bowl and firmly grasped the dough. Pulling it up, I twisted it clockwise and ripped it in two. I held half in each hand and ran to the bread pans. The dough growled at me, lunging out of my hands toward my face. When I got to the bread pans, there was a small wrestling match, but when the dust and sparks and flour settled, I was victorious.

    Now…plastic wrap.

    The End.

    This was my morning. I hope it makes y’alls laugh.

  • #7804

    This was well-written and funny at the same time! The line about the ultimate kitchenary weapon made me smile :).

    • #7807

      Hurray! Mission accomplished.

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